Into the NIght

Greetings from Golden, CO. I am in one of my favorite coffee shops, catching up on emails, chatting with friends and beginning my applications for jobs in DC. I am applying to be a Fellow and they want to know my region. So here's my question. Right now, my permanent address is in Colorado, but I am moving to the DC area. What address do I use? They do everything regionally so I am thinking I just say my new DC address (even though I don't know what it is). I feel like I would have a better chance as a candidate from Colorado, but I want to be honest.

My transition back to the States has been an adventure. I feel like I have so many people to connect with and honestly thought I would have more time to work on my applications to various jobs. We'll see how the rest of the week goes. My days and evenings are full of visits. While it is wonderful to catch up, it is exhausting! I am also experiencing some open-mouth-insert-foot moments. My senses are on overload, even though my surroundings are very familiar.

I wish you a happy new year and I will post more often, I promise!

Simply Being Loved

Let me tell you about my last 24 hours in Skopje. I had to get dressed in a full suit because we were hosting the discussion on CEDAW. I get to work, then leave for the hotel with Boban where our discussion will take place. We get everything set up and then the participants start to arrive. I am the registration person, which is great, minus my command of Macedonian. At the mid-way point, I ask Asya if I can go since my translation is going in and out and I need to finish packing. No problem, I go home pack and decide to run the dishwasher because I do not have enough time to wash all the dishes. My dishwasher proceeds to CATCH ON FIRE! Scary!!! We couldn't get to the fire to put it out without ripping the entire sink unit away from the wall. There was no fire extinguisher, either in my apartment or in the hallway. Eventually, I get the fire out with the help of Vlatko and Igor. Igor called the fire brigade and they would not come because they needed me to call them. Igor explained that I was fighting the fire and only spoke English, but apparently, they still needed to speak to me. I called the fire brigade myself and they could not understand English. In the end, we did not need the fire brigade, but my goodness, it was so stressful and scary. I had to argue with my landlady and Vlatko a bit about getting some of my rent deposit back and receiving it in Euros as opposed to denars, then off to dinner with my colleagues.

We had a fantastic dinner with my colleagues, although I think Igor and I were still in shock. Igor and I stayed at Dominika and Daniele's flat because I had already moved out of mine. We then woke up at 3 in the morning to take get ready and had the car service pick us up to take us to the airport. The driver was so nice - he dropped Igor off at his place for free on the way back from the airport. The driver even hung out for a long time in the airport so Igor and I could be together while we waited for my flight to board. Eventually, I said a tearful goodbye to Igor and waited for the doors to go through immigration and security to open. Imagine my fantastic panic when the screen said "Final Boarding" for my fight, yet I could not get to the place where my plane was. I was assured my plane would wait for me with the Air Bulgaria guy telling me, "this is the Balkans. Your plane will wait for you." Yeah, but I only have an hour in Sofia and Bulgarians are not known for their customer service skills. In the end, I made all four of my flights and was happy to see Nona in her little red car, picking me up in Philly. I cried a bit on the flight between Paris and Chicago. I really did not get to ease out of Macedonia the way I had hoped. I am doing well here in Philly, but am still feeling overwhelmed. It is a process. The journey continues!

Step by Step

I am back in America and currently in Philly. While it is good to be back in my home country, I am sad I left Macedonia. I am still processing my experiences in Macedonia and missing all the wonderful people I met. Currently, I am hoping to get some much needed rest and trying to be calm about my next steps. I will go to Colorado soon, then to Chicago for a few days after the New Year, then on to DC. It is strange to think I will be living out of my suitcases for the next couple months. One of my friends offered to let me stay at her place in DC while I look for a job. I am hoping that I will find a great position quickly and am able to establish myself in America's capital city. I am nervous, yet excited. I am good at building relationships, not so good at being competitive. I enjoy meeting people from all walks of life and am hoping this is an asset. Here's to the next steps!

I will try to update you more frequently as I am able to reflect on my time. In the mean time, here is a toast to the Republic of Macedonia and all the generosity and hospitality offered to me!

Rhymes and Reasons

My love of Air_Bulgaria continues. As it turns out, I did not realize that putting my name on a waiting list for leaving on December 12th would mean that if a seat opened up, my tickets on the 15th would be canceled. So, imagine my surprise when I went to the office to say to take my name off the waiting list, I'll just leave the 15th and they tell me "oh those tickets on the 15th are canceled, you're leaving on the 12th". In all fairness, it was actually United who did the canceling, according to the agent here. Whatever. It is 2 days difference and now I can fly to Sofia as opposed to bus riding it. No more Balkan bus rides, for the time being. No woman sitting next to me, taking her teeth out and smoking! How I will miss these experiences...And in other bonus news, since the Air_Bulgaria guy here knows me, he said he'll check my bags through to Philly, even if they are over the 23 kilogram limit, within reason of course. That relieves me. Unfortunately, I don't have the last weekend here to buy souvenirs, wrap things up and just chill. I am now in a mad dash. Thankfully, everyone is very understanding of my situation is supportive. So, I will spend my 30th birthday in Philly, not Skopje. I won't be packing, I won't be crying because I am leaving...somehow I have to just get to 3:30 AM Friday morning when my car service picks me up to take me to Alexander the Great Airport in Skopje. Yes folks, 3:30 AM. I will take a grand total of 4 airplanes to get back to Philly! I didn't take that many to get to Africa! I don't have time to reflect on my time right now as I am in the process of preparing the materials for our CEDAW meeting on Thursday. Stapling, stuffing folders...let the joy commence!!

I Was Meant for the Stage

In my final weeks, I decided that we need an office rule where we address each other as "esteemed colleague" before addressing the other person. My supervisor likes my rule. I came up with it because of some of the protocols we are forced to deal with in our line of work. I am all about showing respect for people, especially individuals who excel and are well respected in their fields. But insisting on titles seems silly to me. Sure, I worked hard for my Masters, but I don't insist that all correspondence to me include my title after my name. In case you wish to give me a hard time about this, the correct letters are MSSP. I call people by their titles, like Dr., Congressman, Congresswoman, and even have the southern habit of calling people Ms. before their first name if they are my mentor (I have a couple mentors). It is just interesting to see how some people worry about these things more than others. I worked for a law firm during my college years and the attorneys signed everything, "very truly yours". Puleese. Nobody's fooled, especially opposing counsel. All this being said, courtesy and politeness are very important to have things run smoothly. I have noticed the general lack of ability to conduct meetings and hearings here leads to lots of frustrated and bored individuals. Parliamentary procedure is difficult to learn if you have never been exposed to it so I understand. Things will get better though!

Apologize

It has been waaaaaaay too long since my last update, but I have reasons. Please forgive me and read on. Upon assessing my financial and future job situation, plus the headache that is Air_Bulgaria and talking to my supervisor, I decided my best option for returning to the States was keeping my ticket in mid-December. I will be flying into Philly, staying until the 19th, then flying to Colorado, then returning to DC sometime after the first of the year. This decision has been one of the most difficult decisions of my life. This experience in Macedonia has been exciting, challenging, exhilarating and just plain different!

My Thanksgiving was spent having girls night with Dominika, Asya and Mattia (Dominika's 1 year old son - he liked being with the ladies). It was perfect and relaxing. No turkey and traditional food, but the spirit of the holiday was there - being thankful for what we have.

Today, I wrote a speech to discuss the CEDAW (Convention for the Elimination of all forms of Discrimination Against Women) Concluding Comments for Macedonia 3 years later - where we have been and challenges ahead. I will give you a little background so if you don't want to click the link, you have an idea what CEDAW does; however, I encourage you to read the actual link to the Concluding Comments - it isn't very long, just so you can see what I am working with. Basically, the Committee evaluates where a country is and where it needs to improve when it comes to gender equality. It looks not just at mandates, i.e. legislation and legal codes, but also implementation of mandates. I like the Concluding Comments format, which is basically here's what you did well, here's where you need to improve. So the Comments do not just focus on the negative, which is easy, but also looks at accomplishments. Granted, I have only looked at Macedonia's Comments, but this is my impression. As I noted a couple months ago, you won't find Concluding Comments with regard to the US because the US does not feel it needs to participate. It signed the treaty, but failed to ratify it so, basically, you have the Angora reporting, but not the self-anointed leader of the free world. By not ratifying the treaty, the US is not bound by its obligations, hence no reporting. What's wrong with this picture? So I am channeling my inner Obama and trying to write an inspirational speech of where we've been and where we are going...how we, as citizens, civil society, government entities and the international community can build on the current mandates and projects to achieve the goal of gender equality. We'll see how destroyed my draft gets, but it was a fun exercise none the less. If the person I wrote the speech for can channel their inner Obama (which I am convinced this individual does not have), we could maybe inspire some leadership in this department. Some people have charisma; others do not. I am not sure my level of charisma, but I think I have a bit...I just need to keep practicing writing speeches. I give good speeches, in my humble opinion, but writing them for others is a different issue because you have to write it for their delivery style. In this case, the delivery style is reading verbatim off a page, much different from my own. My dream is to one day not even need my note cards, which I barely look at.

Looking for Space

My computer screen went totally blank and I think it was a rebellion against Kid Rock playing on the web radio. I can't say I can blame my computer.

Last night I made scrambled tofu. It had curry, tomatoes, onion, garlic, cumin and spinach. It was pretty good, but needed a bit of salt. Igor ate it and liked it! This is when I realized that I need to be a lobbyist. I told him that the meal was high in protein, which is true, and did not let him look at the tofu before I cooked it. It was the first time he has seen and eaten tofu. So my marketing/selling skills are good, I think. I am honest, but leave out details that might make someone wary of trying my product. DC, watch out! What is funny is that tofu in Macedonian is translated as soy cheese. I guess it is cheese, in a way. So we had tofu scramble, my delicious baked rice that any Chinese or Japanese person would find appalling and chocolate with pop candy in it for dessert. Speaking of chocolate, I am addicted to the Limited Edition Milka chocolate with chili in it. Sweet and spicy. Yum. It is probably a good thing it is a limited edition. Otherwise, I would probably gain some serious weight.

I know Thanksgiving is coming up in the States. I am glad Macedonians don't celebrate this holiday because I have a feeling I would miss my family and the States a lot. I know my Peace Corps friends celebrate with turkeys from the States and everything. Last year, I went to Buffalo with Cata and Sesu to stay with Teeny and Landy, Cata's parents (those are nicknames, by the way). It was so fun - I learned how to play spades and got to pretend that I knew something about statistics (Landy is a bio-statistician). We went to Niagara Falls (um brrrrrrr) and just relaxed. It was wonderful to be in an actual home. So this year, I will spend Thanksgiving in my office, planning a project on social inclusion. My how things change!

Sculpture Remembering the Partisans who rebelled against the Fascist Occupation, Oct. 11, 1941 (yup, that is a lady Partisan, fighting the evil fascists!)

Another part of the sculpture honoring the Partisan fight against the Fascist Occupation. The Partisan uprising was spontaneous and began on October 11, 1941.

Another view of the Partisan sculpture with the Government Bldg in the background

Hey Ya!

You have missed Tito, haven't you? I NEED this book. It will go perfectly with my Tito espresso cup. And who knows, maybe there are some really good recipes :)


First, I am now, officially Macedonian. How? No, it is not due to the Tito series...I have 2 cell phones. One for each provider (there are more than 2 providers but still). Igor got a new phone so he gave me his old phone so we can talk on that provider network. My other phone, the main phone, is the one where I communicate with everyone else since most of my friends are on this network. Upon purchasing the credit on Igor's network, we can talk for 1 denar a minute. That is less than 1 cent. We still text on the other phone. It sounds confusing but it is not. So if you want another number for me, just let me know and I will email you my new cell number.

Secondly, there is a recycling bin near my dumpsters at home. The bin is for plastic bottles and it is more of a cage than a bin. While I am very happy recycling has come to Skopje (officially), I wonder about the Roma who collect plastic bottles from the dumpsters to turn in the bottles for money. Are these people the beneficiaries of the caged recycled products? If they are not, who is? What are the bottle collectors going to do to survive? So now, do I put my bottles in the recycling cage or leave them on the side of the dumpster for the Roma collectors?

Typical building in Skopje

Entrance to Kale, the fortress overlooking Skopje

Asya (my supervisor), her husband Michel, and Igor (my Man)

Smile Like You Mean It

I have become something I never thought I would be: listening to "soft" rock at work. I know, what you are thinking: Where's the Ems that listens to the Misfits, the Killers and Led Zeppelin? Well, let me explain. Dominika and I share an office. Today is a perfect day to listen to the Killers, but whenever I have put on rock like that, sometimes, she politely asks if we can listen to something else. I don't mind one bit that she is not into rock music, at least at work. So we listen to old swing/jazz standards, soft "office" rock (which right now is a mixed up version of "the Safety Dance"), oldies, classical and sometimes, that dreadful smooth jazz music. Some days, I go out on a limb and put on Bob Dylan (received 2 thumbs up) or mixes on my iPod. I know if I want to listen to my own music, I can just put on my iPod, but that cuts me off from the rest of the office and I like being an active participant. Thankfully, the recent soft rock station I found is not excessive Hall and Oates or Lionel Ritchie. These artists are played sparingly and this station keeps the "rock" in its title. The station even plays things like Dirty Vegas' "Without You". Imagine. Groovy.

In internship related news, today, I am working on updating our website - the text that is. I am completely html deficient. I just write blurbs, get them approved and send them off to HQ. Once my handicraft is posted, I'll include the link here. The website I am updating is not our official UNIFEM website; it is the UN in FYR Macedonia website. Ahhhhh, the bureaucracy. I wrote a fact sheet that needs just some finishing touches and have edited other fact sheets composed by Dominika.

Here are some random pictures for your viewing pleasure from my recent jaunt to Belgrade:

Republic Square

Skadarska Street, home to many cafes

Sculpture on Skadarska Street

One of the cafes on Skadarska Street

Blister in the Sun

Nothing could be further from the truth than my blog title. It is freezing cold here and dark, even during the day. No, it is not dark like in Iceland or Alaska, but it is definitely overcast. What's new? Not a whole lot. Oh! In theory, the Skopje office of Air Bulgaria has been authorized to change my return flight tickets. So, later today, I will find out if that is, in fact, the case. What is wrong with this picture: I have to email the travel agent I used in San Diego to get the Skopje office authorized to handle the ticket change. Cristi and I were talking last night that while America is hyper customer service (hence my travel agent from February helping me in November), Macedonia and Bulgaria are anti-customer service. Now, there are tremendous benefits to living here, like if you need your shoes repaired, it takes 15 minutes and is cheap (except for the time when the repair guy dropped a lit cigarette on my leather boots and ruined part of them but, hey, you can't have it all!), you don't get the evil eye if you camp at a table in a restaurant because they get paid hourly, etc.

Speaking of smoking, all cigarette advertising will now bring a 2,000-4,500 Euro fine as of December 1st. This is going to dramatically affect cafes. Many of the cafes umbrellas for shade have cigarette brands or slogans on them. Lots of cafes have twirling boxes of cigarettes in a case, even if you cannot purchase cigarettes in the cafe. Many awnings on buildings over bodegas have cigarette brands on them. I wonder where this anti-smoking campaign came from, considering the majority of the population smokes (youth and adults alike). How did this ever pass the parliament? What will the adverts be when you get off the plane in Skopje now that cigarettes are not to be advertised? So many questions. I will keep you posted.

Remember the no alcohol sales after 7 PM law? That appears to be well enforced. The grocery store covers the wine, beer and liquor at 7 on the dot so maybe the cigarette advertising ban will be the same way. The little bodega near me continues to not sell alcohol. I wonder if there is less youth drinking, which is the main impetus to creating this law.

Say It Ain't So

For once, the song title of my blog entry might *actually* be accurate, depending on your perception of the next few sentences. I applied for a Market Analyst position. And I know I won't get an interview, but is that some how selling my soul? The position has something to do with government contracts and the like...I don't know, but I printed out the position description and all my answers, just in case. You do realize that no one will want to interview me for a domestic position since I live in Macedonia. I understand. They probably don't know where Macedonia is on a map and, before I knew I was applying to this position, I couldn't have located it either. Here is my thinking about my career. Of course, I would love to stay in international development with a focus on women's empowerment, specifically, economic rights. BUT, I realized that I could still incorporate the gender perspective into any position I hold. Yes, I want to use my degree and stay in policy/research. However, I don't have to have such a narrow search, i.e. only women NGOs, think tanks, etc. Is this deja vu from another entry? I think so...

All this brings me back to when I was wanting to relocate from Colorado to DC, before I discovered the MSSP program at Penn. I kept sending resumes and cover letters and I didn't even get a nibble. I will not let this get me down, no! I do not fear my future! Embrace it! And keep searching for that fantastic opportunity...

As far as my weekend went, well, it was pretty darn quiet. Jennie and Igor "met" on skype and there were many "firsts". It was the first time Jennie and I have seen each other since April. It was the first time Igor had experienced a webcam. Of course, Jennie and Igor chatting was a first. It went well and I am so glad we have this technology. Friday, Igor and I ended up going to this very cool cafe called Barista. There were so many textures in Barista. There were individual wood pieces on the wall - like bricks, only wood. There were branches and books in bookshelves. It was great. The only thing was the music was fairly loud (no, I am not getting old! I want to be able to have a conversation in a cafe). Saturday, we met his friends and went to another cafe which had superheroes on the wall. Yesterday was quiet - lots of cooking and knitting. I am trying to enjoy my last couple months in Macedonia. I can't believe Igor and I have already been together two months. I know the next two will fly by.

Why Does It Always Rain On Me

I am anticipating my first quiet weekend in Skopje in a long time. I have no guests and the dinner party I was going to hold tomorrow is postponed. I am not making a quick dash to another country nor do I have any plans, other than watching a Macedonian movie with Igor tonight. I would like to catch up with my family and friends online and sleep in. My sleep has been troubled this week. I think it is due to stress. I am trying to do calm and positive things before going to bed, but for some reason, that is not enough. Last night, I had strange dreams and slept very lightly. So this weekend is when I will take care of myself. I will look for jobs, pay my rent and chill. The weather today is gloomy and I think we are finally getting the rain that we were supposed to be having this whole month. Perfect tea-sipping, knitting weather! Speaking of weather, I had a funny experience. One of my friends on Facebook who is in the States said he hated that it was so cold - 27 degrees. I was thinking that is not cold at all - it is actually pretty warm. Then, I realized that I was thinking in Celsius, not Fahrenheit. I am not totally converted to Celsius but still. I am more adjusted to being here and I don't even realize it.

Breathe

Sunset at Lake Ohrid


I may have to go to Sofia, Bulgaria to change my ticket. Um, what?! I have the lady who booked my ticket helping me work something out but seriously?! What is the point of having an office in Skopje if it can't change oh itineraries? Hence the name of my blog this time - it is a song, but it is also what I am attempting to do at a calm rate. Never fly Air Bulgaria. They also lost my luggage on my way to Skopje.

In other news, I have enjoyed my past two afternoons staring at an excel spreadsheet and making budgets work. In all reality, I liked it because I forgot how great Excel can be, once you unlock the magic. Function key. It is all about the Function key. If only there were a Function key to fix my issue with Air Bulgaria...

Things are good. I uploaded my pics to facebook and I should do the same for you here. I will give you a few teasers...




Skopje Center Square

Makedonija Street, Skopje




Painted Mosque, Tetevo

Strange Currencies

I have a fear that I will repeat song titles for my post monikers. Oh well, please forgive me!

You are looking at my super-cute niece and nephew this past Halloween. The Princess and the Pea...I have not met Will as he was born in June and I simply cannot believe how big Emma is now! I am really looking forward to seeing them. This brings me to my next topic and that is that I am leaving Macedonia in 9 short weeks. I have no idea, at this point, what will happen after I leave, other than I am flying into Philadelphia and staying with my Cata and Musashi. Not knowing my next step is adding significant stress in my personal and professional life. Igor wants to know what next and I cannot answer him. My bank accounts want to know when they will be replenished. I had dinner with Dao last night and realized (again) that I am very comfortable here, albeit a bit homesick. I know all I can do is continue to work hard at my internship and apply for jobs. I want to be excited about my future and lose this anxiety. I listen to President-elect Obama's acceptance speech to inspire myself and say the "Yes we can" mantra to myself. In all reality, I have not learned how to accept my feelings and not fight them. Sure, I don't want to go overboard, but just allowing myself to be would be refreshing. I have learned so much during these past 6 months.

In other news, Belgrade was fantastic, even though I was there for something like 6 hours. I loved the bus I took - it was a commuter bus and they showed movies and even gave me bread and butter for breakfast after we crossed the Serbian border! It was such a different bus experience from when I went to Sarajevo. No 2 hour border crossing! No cramped, musty seats! No smokers in the front of the bus! I had lunch with my UNIFEM colleagues and they are so wonderful. What a blessing to have such wonderful people to collaborate with and to have terrific conversation. I did not make it to the Tito Mausoleum or the Tesla Museum but that just means I have to go back. I managed to immediately get lost upon exiting the bus station and the people on the streets were so helpful and friendly. I did get to see the bohemian cafe street and roam the pedestrian area. As much as I love Skopje, being in an actual Capital City with 2 million people (keep in mind 2 million is the entire population of Macedonia!) was refreshing.

I reserved my tickets to Rome for Christmas. I have until December to pay for them and I am trying to get excited about going! I get to see Jennie and Ste, along with his family and, oh go to Italy for the first time! I won't get to spend new years there because the flights from Rome to Skopje are only on certain days and I don't think they fly on Jan 1.

And, finally, I will be 30 in a couple weeks and I am in shock - I never pictured myself being 30, let alone that I would be in Macedonia to celebrate. I hope my 30th year is not as difficult as my 29th year. Don't get me wrong, fantastic things happened this year, but it has been very challenging. I will start my new career, visit exciting places and get a dog. Sounds like a plan. Onward!

La Dolce Vita

It has been decided: I am going to Belgrade on the (wait for it) 4 AM bus tomorrow morning! Yeah! Why would one leave at such an un-Godly hour you ask? Well, it is a commuter bus, meaning we don't stop at all the wee towns along the way and I feel much more secure arriving in Belgrade at oh 9 AM than at 12 AM. I am thinking I'll leave late Saturday night and I won't even have to hostel it up, but we'll see about return ticket options. My UNIFEM colleagues are meeting me for lunch. So there you have it. Now, I must research how to get to a place I would actually like to visit from the bus station. I think I want to stroll down the pedestrian center...in all honesty, I am a bit burned out of churches and historical sites, particularly byzantine forts. I know I should jump on these opportunities, but we'll see if there is a must see on wiki travel and the like...OH MY!!! There is the Tito Mausoleum! I think my Tito series would be greatly enhanced if I made it out to see Josip Broz himself! And, it is free to enter! I will also try to update my blog again, either today or this weekend. Cheers!

Blueberry Hill

I think it is funny that I am the only person listed as a follower on my blog.

So, I am back to reminiscing about my parents' visit and applying for jobs. I was very disappointed to find out today that I am too old to apply to be a UNESCO Young Professional. I am too old by 18 days. It just stinks because I have been waiting to apply for about 2 years. Oh well, that means there is something out there that is better for me! I am applying for another job at OSCE up in Prishtina. Fingers crossed. Looking for jobs is seriously a full time commitment.

I know my Mom and I's favorite visit of the trip was up to Matka Canyon, just outside of Skopje. TJ (my Dad), Momma, Igor and I went up there via taxi and we totally lucked out with taxi drivers! Ours was great and came back to get us later that day. Anyhow, there is this huge dam, which produces hydro-electric power. Behind the dam is a winding, beautiful canyon with what appears to be a still, aqua lake. We hiked along the canyon for a while and that is when Igor noted that he had never experienced silence like this. We stopped and listened and I don't think I heard anything, besides my own breathing. I really need to upload pictures because it was beautiful. Near the dam was a church St. Andrea (Andrew for us Anglos!) and the curator let us actually take pictures of the frescoes. We had a pleasant lunch after our hike and on our way into Skopje, our taxi got a flat tire. Thankfully, we were near a tire shop so we all got out while our drive drove on the rim to the tire shop and waited about 15 minutes for the tire to be changed. At least some things are efficient in Macedonia! I liked getting out of the city and experiencing the stillness of Matka.

In other news, I am having problems with my ears and my medical experience has been somewhat mixed. I have yet to be triaged or weighed. My temperature was taken once (of the 3 times I have been to the doctor). In fact, I don't think I know what a Macedonian nurse looks like. You just check in then the doctor sees you right away. Unless I am seeing nurses and not doctors but I don't think that is the case. I had to roaring ear infections and they don't seem to be going away. While my ears don't hurt, they are full of fluid so I feel like I am underwater and can't hear very well. I don't like my ear, nose and throat doctor. She gave me a hearing test when I told her I can't hear very well because of the fluid, then failed to explain any results and charged me for it. She also mutters and when I say I can't hear her, tells me I have hearing loss (thank you, Captain Obvious. I came to see you because my head is full of fluid, making me not hear well!). I don't think anyone has heard of decongestant here. I go to the pharmacy and they give me nose drops. All I want is DayQuil or something along those lines! I will consult Dao for surely she has something!

Back to work and job applications :)

Do You Believe In Magic?

Today, if you do nothing else (besides read my blog), read both Senators Obama and McCain's respective speeches about the election outcome. The graciousness, particularly exhibited by John McCain is humbling.

In other news, I have a fashionista update. Today, I saw a side rat tail on a teenage boy. It's like he got his mullet cut off and forgot a little strand. To cap it off, he is wearing his school uniform - a sport jacket and tie. Rat tail. It is like this, only not braided and a bit longer. Also, this particular fashion victim did not have a buzz.

Finally, I am attempting to change my return flight to the States from December to January. I went to the Air Bulgaria office yesterday around noon to find out that the person I need does not arrive until after 3:00. Awesome. This could have been avoided had a correct phone number been listed on the Air Bulgaria website. So I went back around 8 last night only to find out that this representative can't help me because my tickets are based on fares only offered in the US and so I have to contact the office in Sofia. He was tremendously helpful and actually nice. I left armed with an email address to send my inquiry. So I send off my request today and get a response that I need to go to the Skopje office to get help. I sent a reply saying I went there, this man told me to contact you and to proceed from there. Still waiting for a response. It is amazing how quickly people try to pass the buck. I am talking about the Sofia peeps, not the helpful Skopje person. Welcome, once again, to the Balkans.

What a feeling

*Please note: I linked the cities to their various wikki pages so if you click on one Ohrid link, you don't need to click on the next link*

On this election day, I give you two pictures from my first visit to Ohrid with Manuel and Maria. Um what is up with this guy? I wonder if he looks like this in real life or if he is a total disappointment. The other picture is part of my Tito series. The series lives, more than you can imagine. My parents and I found a picture of Tito laying in a parking lot! So I am going to clean it off and see if it can be saved. No, I am not a communist, I just collect Tito pictures/images. I know, it is strange. But he is everywhere. Any how Kej M. Tito is the pedestrian street along Lake Ohrid.

So let's begin with my parents and I's trip to Ohrid. We stayed in an apartment about a block from the Lakeside and we walked and walked and walked. Our first evening, we had dinner at a place called Belvedere and it was quite an experience. There were musicians playing Macedonian folk songs and the restaurant was smoky, much to my parents chagrin (I am used to it since something like 70% of the adult population smokes). Despite the smoke, the food was delicious and the company excellent. We arrived in Ohrid around 7ish in the evening so dinner was our main and only event. The next day was the day of the eternal walking and church viewing. Ohrid has 365 churches. We saw 5 or so. Our day started out at a cafe on the square near the old city and my Dad was overjoyed when he asked for an americano, and, after some explanation, received said drink. We saw churches, went up to the fortress on the hill looking over the city and ended up at a restaurant where we had Ohrid trout for dinner. At the fortress, there was this older man playing what I can only guess were Macedonian bagpipes. The problem was there didn't appear to be any sort of melody to his playing. He was on top of one of the overlooks of the city and lake so there was no escaping the music. I offered to my Dad to see if there was a CD of this painful music and my Dad reassured me that his music collection was just fine sans poorly played Macedonian bagpipe music. I respect anyone who is going to go out there an perform, but please, make sure you know some songs. For some reason I am reminded of Dao and I's Gloria Estefan marathon in Kotor. Remember? We were sitting on the bay in Kotor, Montenegro enjoying a drink after a day of roaming the streets when this cafe played non-stop Gloria Estefan. After an hour or so, Dao and I could take no more and left. We would have happily stayed for dinner had the music been a bit more varied. Any how, back to Ohrid...I need to upload pictures of the place - it is the pride of Macedonia. You will see why. The bus ride between Ohrid and Skopje goes on the outskirts of Mavrovo National Park. The trees are changing here and Maria described the changing colors best - it looks like an old rug with oranges, rusts, browns, some reds and greens. The rolling uneven trees look like a worn out shag carpet and it is beautiful. You can look down into the valleys and see little villages with reddish clay roofs and wonder what in the world people do in these places, not just for work, but in their spare time. I have the same questions when I go through the little towns off I-70 in Colorado that are not ski-related...

In other joyous news, I am excited to report I found, with the help of Dao, a brand-new American style coffee shop here in Skopje! They even have bagels! Granted, you can't get just a bagel and cream cheese - you have to get the whole sandwich, but you would not believe my joy. They have brewed coffee, not just espresso or Turkish coffee! They have flavor syrups from a company I recognize! Brownies! Chocolate chip cookies! Carrot Cake! I have yet to experience the coffee shop, but I assure you I will let you know if it is remotely like sitting in the Green Line (Philly shout out!), Higher Grounds (Golden shout out!) or any other local place to grab a coffee. It may have wireless too. Part of me feels guilty about being so excited about this coffee shop. That little voice says, "you didn't come to Macedonia to go to American style coffee shops; you came to Macedonia to experience their culture." Oh well, I figure there will be Macedonians in the coffee shop!

Ok, back to work, but I will write more about my parents' visit and try to upload more pictures soon. Don't forget to vote! I sent in my federal ballot weeks ago so here's to hoping it counts :)

You were always on my mind

Hello again! Sorry for the long hiatus. Having my parents here made for a whirlwind of activity and I apologize for not updating you sooner. I am trying to not be horribly sad that my parents left at 4 AM this morning and focus on how lucky I am they came all the way here to see me and experience my life in Macedonia. We went to over 10 churches/monasteries, up the Vodno mountain on the south side of Skopje, out to Matka, a man-made lake where I think I experienced total silence for the first time, off to Skupi the I-IV AD century Roman ruins of Skopje, down to Ohrid, east to Kriva Palanka and all over Skopje. My parents were robbed, harassed by street children, and, by the end of their trip, experts at crossing the street/avoiding being hit by cars. Despite all of this, they were sad to leave their Elmo and reassured me, once again of their unconditional love and support for me and have a warm place in their heart for the small country of Macedonia.

I think I have done a good job of not being homesick and yearning for the States. I focus on experiencing my life here. That being said, I miss some things about America. Mostly, I miss having people around me who have known me for so long, even if I can only talk to them on the phone. My father reminded me, not in a negative way, that there are significant cultural differences between America and Macedonia. I think I gloss over these things out of self-protection. I want to see people as people, not national identities. The inherent problem with that is one fails to see that there is no way you can fully understand or appreciate other people's upbringings and surroundings. I may see a tree, while others see a playground - or vice versa. I ignore the differences, hoping they will go away, instead of simply observing them. But ignoring the differences only brings an overwhelming sense of isolation when something or someone familiar is around, then, as quickly as they came, gone. I am becoming a professional at dealing with being by myself and I must trust my friends and colleagues who I have so enjoyed here to support me while I find my footing again. I truly enjoy my life here in Skopje and I don't want to sound like some pessimistic expatriate. I am not that, I simply was reminded how much I love and miss my family and my country. Next entry will bring you a more thorough description and pictures of my parents' and I' s adventures in Macedonia.

In the mean time, I have to leave Macedonia this weekend to renew my visa (don't ask) so I am hoping to take a bus to Belgrade. I have to plan that trip, change my return flight tickets to the States to mid-January, buy my tickets to Italy for Christmas and possibly New Year's, work on my internship duties and find a job that wants me to start in early to mid-February. Oh and I am dying to see how the election turns out. Ciao for now!

This is why I'm hot

This is an infamous "Bosnian Rose." This is an artillery shell mark common on the sidewalks of Sarajevo. This one was by the tunnel the Bosnian Muslims used to get supplies and people in and out of the city during the Siege by the Serbs. It is really eerie to walk down the sidewalk near the river, look down and see the place where a shell landed. Sometimes, they fill the divots with red paint to symbolize a lot of people died from that shell. The ones in the city proper did not necessarily look like this but you can imagine.

I think I figured out why I am not getting shortlisted on any of my job applications: I am applying to places like NATO and the UN. So I am not competing with only Americans, I am competing with the entire world. I did apply for a job in the US with the Dept of Labor. However, the website for the Dept of Labor Job has not updated me on my application status, only saying it has been "started". Um, I thought I completed it. So I guess I am out on that one...or maybe it will say "Application Completed" one of these days. I wonder how many people applied for this job.

My parents' visit is going really well. They are roaming the streets of Skopje, reading by the Vardar river and generally learning the art of doing nothing. We went to Ohrid last weekend and it was beautiful and relaxing. I even *gasp* knitted for a while! I sure miss knitting. Maybe I can knit for a bit tonight before meeting my man, Igor. I haven't seen him for 3 whole days! Part of me feels guilty about seeing him tonight (even though the parents can come) because my parents are only in town for another week. Thankfully, all seem to enjoy each other. I am fighting a cold and seem to be doing a good job as it is not full blown (pardon the pun). I know there is a fashionista update but I just need to upload the picture as describing this poster does no justice. Let's just say it involves a sleeveless shirt with Mary and Jesus on the front, a man with bleached hair and muscles...I know, you can't wait! This was not a live sighting, unfortunately.

Here is another picture of Igor.

You and me and the bottle makes three tonight

Macedonia has a law for everything. It is amazing. Just recently, I found out that in May 2007, the Law on Equal Regional Development was adopted. I would never think to write or pass such a law. I made a comment to my Macedonian co-worker that Macedonia has a law for everything and she smiled and said something to the effect of, "yes, but what is the point if it [the law] is not implemented? The law might as well not exist." True. Then I think about how a law like this would work in the US (or not work as the case may be). How do you enforce such a law? I guess when the country has the same area size as Vermont, like Macedonia, a law like this could be enforced. That being said, Macedonia is very mountainous and some villages are virtually inaccessible in the winter so my questions about realistic implementation still linger...ok, staff meeting time.

Tonight is dinner with the parents and the boyfriend. I am so glad they all get along so well. :)

Lights

The 'Rents are here!!! Hooray! 40 some odd hours of traveling and here they are, in Skopje, Macedonia. Yesterday they were excellent troopers, with Igor and I as their tour guides. We took them to Kale, Old Bazaar, the Government Building, City Park, the National Cathedral, the Central Square...the National Gallery (just in the entrance)...wow, they are practically Skopje Natives! Today is lunch with my co-workers and I go to work for the afternoon. Wednesday I work, Thursday is off to Matka with Damjanka, my land lady...my we are busy peeps. At some point, we are going to have a feast with Dao near her place at a restaurant known for its meat. We want to make it down to Ohrid too...

Must dash, I've included some pictures of Skopje...

Mandy

I heard the Barry Manilow song, "Mandy", twice in one day a couple weeks ago...while it is cheesy, my goodness, click on the link and hear it (do not watch the video on the link- I claim no responsibility for the Sims stuff). Manilow is way into it during the refrain. Only in Macedonia would I randomly hear this song, twice! I know the second time was when Igor and I were in a cab. The driver had a cd of Barry Manilow. "Mandy" reminds me of when I was little - around kindergarten age, living in Littleton, CO. I would listen to it in the basement laundry room in our townhouse. I loved that song and Barry Manilow in general. I also loved Don McLean, especially "Vincent". Finally, here is a picture of Igor and me.

Stayin' Alive

My parents arrive on Sunday. I want to warn you that I will try to update my blog regularly during their two week visit here, however, please forgive me if it is not updated as regularly :) I can't remember what I told you about their visit, so here goes. They arrive at 15:00 Skopje time and will no doubt be tired. They are actually leaving Colorado tonight, flying and having a ridiculously long lay over in Toronto. This is actually good because they are going to visit my great-Aunt and Uncle, sleeping at their place and enjoying the city before heading off to some place in Germany, I think. Then they fly to Slovenia, then to Skopje. So, while they will be traveling for over 48 hours, the rest in Toronto will be excellent and a good time to catch up with loved ones.

Meanwhile, my paper on social inclusion is still not done and I am worried that it is total garbage. What if it isn't what my supervisor is looking for? There is a lot of information in the paper but it may not be the right information. Also, I feel like it is disorganized. My goal is to just get everything out on paper, worry about editing it later. Before I faint over editing it and flow, I want to make sure it is what is being asked. Tell me literature review, no problem...but desk research is not exactly a literature review as has been explained to me. Oh and I have to come up with suggestions for UNIFEM. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I don't know!!! But I am sure I will come up with something and thankfully, we are a team here so my colleagues might read the paper and see an excellent suggestion that because I am so buried in the information, I don't see.

Ok, enough whining. There is a jazz festival and a wine tasting festival in Skopje this weekend. I am not sure what Igor and I are going to do in terms of going out. We've been together a month and he gave me a small gift. So endearing! I need to figure out how to show my appreciation and am at a loss. You don't buy boys flowers or write notes...do you? I am so rusty on this whole relationship thing...and my parents are bringing him Clif bars and a calendar of Colorado wilderness...

Back to the paper. Still open to suggestions of bringing the women's movement public.

Woo-Ha (got you all in check)

This is Herceg Novi, Montenegro. When Dao and I looked out of our room, this is the view we saw. It was beautiful, but the lady we rented our room from was extremely odd, to say the least. What a view!

The feminization of the women's movement...I read an article a couple months ago about how feminized the women's movement and women's NGOs are by focusing mostly on domestic violence and women's health. I could not agree more and here is why. The majority of funding surrounding women deals with domestic violence and health, both private sphere issues, often focusing on women as victims. While these issues are very important, by spending most of our resources on the private sphere issues, we continue to keep women there - in private and, often times, as victims. Think about it. Why don't we spend more of our resources on bringing women into the public sphere through conducting research and advocating for women's economic rights, political participation and being part of decision making processes? Isn't one of the main points of the women's movement to say that women are equal to men and by equal meaning allowed equal access to the public sphere and public life? I know I am over simplifying the women's movement and it is important what the domestic rights advocates and women's heath proponents have done. I am by no means diminishing their dedication and work surrounding these key issues and the progress that has been made, by which I would not be writing this today. However, it is my personal belief that until we start advocating for women's equitable participation in the public sphere as vehemently as we do surrounding private sphere issues, we will not progress much further than where we are today. Just a thought. Let's take the women's movement public.

U Can't Touch This

This is a photo of Kotor, Montenegro. Not the best pic in the world, but remember, I randomly select the pictures without being able to see them. The water is the bay and part of the Adriatic sea. The water was not as clear and beautiful as in Croatia, but it was mighty refreshing!

Interesting fact: 60% + or - a few percentage points of the budget of the Macedonian government is spent on social transfers, i.e. public assistance, unemployment, maternity and other benefits, etc. Macedonian employers pay approximately 32% of their employees' gross salary in taxes to pay for social insurance. You can imagine the disincentive to create jobs if, as an employer, you are so highly taxed. Hence, the gray (informal) economy represented approximately 33%-37% of Macedonia's GDP in 2007. Macedonia measures poverty on the basis of consumption as opposed to income due to being a subsistence economy and the prevalence of remittances. The poverty line is at 70% of the median equivalent consumption and in 2005, 30.0% of the population was below this line. That is an increase in from 19.0% in 1997. In the 2005 Millennium Development Report, it is estimated that, on average, 55.1% of the entire population experience one form or another of human poverty. This measurement is based on a combination of life expectancy, educational attainment, literacy and GDP per capita. The main reasons cited for the high level of experience of human poverty is the high proportion of the population illiterate in functional terms and long-term unemployment. All the previous information is found in the 2007 European Commission report entitled, "Social Protection and Social Inclusion in the former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia".

My conference was somewhat interesting yesterday, although it went on too long. I had an epiphany though. The head of the Institute which conducted the study gave a brief overview of what it means to take a Human Rights Based Approach (HRBA) to development work. I know I talked about the HRBA in another entry, but here is my brainstorm. What would happen if we took the HRBA to providing safety net services in the US? What made this click in my head is when the speaker said that when the UN ratified the treaty on the rights of a child, suddenly, children went from simply objects of charity to individuals with rights and that we, as duty bearers, are challenged in upholding and protecting those rights. What would happen if, instead of seeing TANF (cash assistance) recipients as objects of welfare programs, we approached the issue as though the recipients were subjects, i.e. people with rights and needs? I know there is a welfare rights movement in the US and this is not what I am talking about, per se. What I am saying is this: if we saw recipients of welfare as individuals who have needs and a right to say what those needs are, it would completely change our public assistance system. How about instead of mandating from on high what we think the poor need, we ask them and let them inform the decisions of the policy makers and experts? And while we are asking them, we need to also ensure that we include the socially excluded and vulnerable populations. If we include them in the decision making process, we empower the poor and can, in turn, have mutual accountability for success from both the rights holders (program recipients) and duty bearers (benefit providers). Isn't idealism grand?

I Will Survive

This is the outside wall of Stari Grad (Old City) Kotor, Montenegro. This is in the evening and I thought it was very cool. There is this stone wall that goes up the mountain and I am not sure exactly why it was built due to the grade of the mountain. I remember telling Dao that if she wanted to hike up to the look out, she was on her own. It was unbelievably hot - the warmest place on our travels. I would guess it was in the 90s or low 100s outside. Dao laughed when I told her she was on her own because she had no intention of getting heat stroke :0)

Hello! I'm back! What a week! Maria came on Wednesday and Manuel arrive late Thursday evening. We had a fantastic time. On Wednesday, Igor, Maria and I walked around downtown Skopje. We introduced her to Macedonian fast food - Igor and I had hamburgers (the beef is more like spiced mincemeat, I think) and Maria had toct (pronounced toast). Toct in Macedonia is pressed bread with ham, mushrooms and cheese in the middle. It is very thin and makes a good, quick, cheap small meal or snack. Maria also had her first Skopsko (Macedonian beer) and then we walked around, went to have delicious pizza, then home. I also have a wonderful boyfriend because you will never guess what he got me for a gift...an espresso cup with Tito on it!!! Now, the Tito series is not just photos :) Thursday, we went to the Old Bazaar and walked around, went to the Museum of Contemporary Art then to Shankley's, then to pick up Manuel. I actually took pictures of Skopje and will upload them as soon as I can. Friday, we had lunch with Dao, went up to Kale (pronounce Kal-lay) then met up with Igor and his friends to go to a cafe. It was awesome then on Saturday, we rented a car and went down to Ohrid :) I finally made it to Ohrid, where everyone says you have to go when you come to Macedonia. On our way down there, we stopped in a predominantly Albanian city, Tetevo, and saw the Painted Mosque. It was the first time in my life I have ever entered a mosque. I am glad we stopped there - it was beautiful and Manuel and Maria got a glimpse of a city that is not Skopje or a tourist resort, like Ohrid. After coming back on Saturday, Manuel had to leave so Maria and I took him to the bus station. We then walked around and ended up at Shankley's. I met up with Igor and then all of us headed to a bar called The Saloon. For those of you who know Boulder, CO, it loosely reminded me of the Dark Horse. Then, at 11:30 Sunday morning, Maria's car came to pick her up and I spent the afternoon cleaning up, grocery shopping and meeting up with Igor.

So now I have to figure out how I will get my work done by tomorrow. I have that desk research...and I haven't begun writing...and I will be out all afternoon at 2 different meetings. The first is conference on social inclusion (perfect since that is what my desk research is about) and the second is on the Human Rights Based Approach to development work. Maybe I will come back to work after the last meeting and stay late. I could turn it in tomorrow afternoon...I am so tired. Entertaining is fun, but hard work and I haven't caught up on my rest. Oh well. My parents come on Sunday and I will be able to rest before their arrival!

I have no real fashionista updates other than I do not anticipate seeing men in capris any time soon. The weather is cool and those are decidedly summer wear...

Tear Jerker

This was a sign in Split. I apologize if I offend anyone. I think the message is clear. This was outside a tattoo/piercing place and on the wall. We aren't talking a mere street sign, NO! Huge wall mural.

I am not feeling well today. Uneasiness permeates my being. My friends arrive tomorrow and Thursday respectively and so after work, I want to run and then get the apartment ready for their arrival. I am uneasy personally and professionally. I am coming up to a crossroad. I have no idea how long I can commit to my internship, which strains me. I need to continue to apply for jobs while the economies of the countries I am applying to are either in admitted recessions or in denial about the on going recession. I don't want to be all doom and gloom but I am stressed out.

In other fashionista news, I saw a mullet with, wait for it, a braided rat tale coming out the bottom. Ew. Rat tails and mullets are disturbing on their own, but together, horrifying. This is what I meant to write about yesterday as well but I forgot. Or maybe I blocked it. I wish I had a picture.

I went with Asya (my new permanent supervisor), Michel (her husband) and Igor (my boyfriend) to the winter foodstuff festival this weekend. It was a total disappointment. When you think festivals, you think booths selling food, crafty products and face painting. Ha! Not this time! I was hoping for homemade ajvar (delicious red pepper spread, I cannot describe it) but instead it was a few booths of companies that sell mass-produced ajvar and cheese. Blasphemy! No small town farmers, no homemade products...so we left and went to the Old Bazaar across the Old Stone Bridge, had kebab/bbq, shopska salad, and rakia. We walked around, sat and had coffee and all and all enjoyed the pleasant afternoon.

Back to researching social inclusion/exclusion...I hope I feel better soon. I should be excited because my friends are coming.

I Try

This is a random pic from when I went to Sofia, Bulgaria. These were my hosts, Kyle and Petya. They have since returned to the States.

Recently, I was applying for a job with the US Dept of Labor researching human trafficking, forced labor and child labor with an international perspective. I had to answer all these questions surrounding my professional experience with research and how I dealt with the aforementioned exploitation in the labor market. Being the spin doctor that I am, I discuss my research on social exclusion and women's economic rights here in Macedonia and how social exclusion and poverty increase the likelihood of being trafficked, exploited, etc. I suddenly realized that I don't know exactly what social exclusion is. I hear the term and intuitively know what it means (it is fairly obvious), but upon realizing that it will be incredibly difficult to reach the rural socially excluded women from various ethnic communities, I decided it was time I discover what the EU and UN says being socially excluded means. I found this great website on social exclusion in the Netherlands that contrasts social exclusion with poverty. I learned that poverty is measured solely on the basis of income, or lack thereof. Social exclusion incorporates not just income, but housing, education, access to the labor market and social services...social inclusion is a much more holistic indicator of 'poverty' because it incorporates what poverty reduction advocates are trying to say by using their poverty indicators/statistics. It isn't just about being hungry. It's about quality of life. This makes the challenges seem that much more insurmountable; however, social inclusion also enables much more creativity in addressing the challenges. I still have no clue how to reach the socially excluded women in rural Macedonia who are members of traditional, conservative communities. I'm at the point where I am overwhelmed by the information on how many challenges there are and must digest for a moment so I can make some recommendations.

In other job news, I am sending my CV off to a research center in Greece that studies women in the Balkans. I sent them an email of inquiry months ago and they requested my CV late last week. :) Additionally, I am going to apply to be an UNESCO Young Professional, a long shot for sure. For the UNESCO YP program, the US forwards its 10 nominees off to see if any one of them is selected for the program. Same with who knows how many other countries. So yeah, slim slim slim chance at that one. Nothing ventured, nothing gained...

Time for a flash fashionista update. I saw a man with long hair in a pony tail and a tan fanny pack, on the side (I guess it is better than worn on the front) in a cafe. First of all, in a dimly lit cafe, tan stands out, especially when wearing blue jeans and a black shirt. If one must wear a fanny pack, do us all a favor and not draw our eyes to it. Second of all, I do not have a feeling this fanny pack is for the purposes of toting a gun around due to being "undercover," not that I support toting around firearms. Remember the guy from the summer who was wearing leather pants, biker boots, a sleeveless shirt and fanny pack - that would be firearms in my humble opinion...I told my boyfriend that while I understand there are differences in what is considered fashionably acceptable, especially in eastern Europe, I told him that fanny packs are unacceptable under any circumstances. I received a blank stare. I am hoping it is because he never once considered donning a fanny pack. And yes, he knows what I am talking about. I made sure that.

Carnival

This is the view from my first hostel in Sarajevo. To the left was a police station, which made my mother happy. I remember getting to my room and collapsing after my 16 hour overnight bus ride. The calls to prayer could be heard from my room and throughout the old part of the city where Dao and I stayed. I hope I can get back to Sarajevo soon.

I went on a run today and it was the best of all my runs. I had another "duh" realization. If they made the sidewalks narrower, cars couldn't park on them and there would be additional street parking available. Since it is clear there is minimal enforcement of parking policies, this seems like a decent potential approach to dealing with sidewalk parking...sidewalk too narrow to park on, sidewalk is free for pedestrian usage...

I am doing my reading for the desk research surrounding social inclusion, economics and women and am lost in a sea of studies. It seems like everyone knows what to do but lacks the political and financial will to suck it up and do it. I read an interesting study about non-Roma and Roma attitudes about dependency on the State. Interestingly, a strong majority of non-Roma believe that they are not remotely to blame for the situation of the Roma and that the Roma need to get more proactive and help themselves. Sounds familiar...I think this is what having good anti-discrimination policies does to societies, in a way. It allows the majority population to think the problem of discrimination is solved and therefore absolving the majority population of all responsibilities to participate in offering a hand up to minority populations, women, etc. I am in NO WAY advocating we rid ourselves of anti-discrimination legislation - it is very important- but we need to figure out a way to monitor the implementation of this legislation. Equal opportunity and anti-discrimination legislation/policies does not ensure equal treatment, access to basic needs, education or access to the labor market. Thank you, Captain Obvious...

Brass Monkey

This is a building in Split, Croatia. Once again, I picked a random picture from my folder - I get no previews. This is in the Stari Grad of Split (old city). I think it is near Diocletian's palace. Of all the placed Dao and I visited, Split was my least favorite, but I did enjoy taking a ferry from Split to Hvar for the day.

If you are confused by my recent blog entry titles, fear not, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation. The blog entry titles are also song titles. Too bad there is not a song title "Stress Monkey" because that would be the most appropriate title for how I feel right now. I have to have all the desk research for my social inclusion project done the 15th so Asya, Dominika and I can meet on the 17th to discuss my findings and map out the next steps. I know you're thinking that the 15th is 2.5 weeks away and you're right. But next week, I'm taking 2 1/2 days off for Maria and Manuel's visit. I am excited to see them. I just have to work a bit of overtime. Last night, I stayed in the office until 8:30 PM applying for a job with the US Department of Labor. In this position, I would be researching child labor, human trafficking and forced labor from an international perspective. While I believe this job is right up my alley with my interests and skill set, I must admit that I am not ready to leave Macedonia. I know it is inevitable, but I am still in a bit of denial. I want to stay in my internship and get paid for what I do. I like my apartment, my friends and my life here. I don't want to start over, again. I want to improve my Macedonian and keep learning new recipes. When I start my new job, assuming it is not in Skopje, I will have moved 3 times in 18 months. I know this is the life I chose for myself and I am not complaining, but that is not to say it is not difficult. It is difficult to apply for jobs when I am happy with the one I have. So I am working full time doing research, attending meetings, etc., searching for a new job (which is also full time at moments), meeting up with friends, the boyfriend and preparing for my visitors over the next month. Needless to say, I have become someone I never thought I would be: the girl who's nail polish is so chipped, it is embarrassing. Maybe tonight I will remove my nail polish and knit in front of the TV. I haven't seen my shows in so long. Oh wait, we're having a meeting with a Roma NGO at 4:30, the one my friend, Jessica, works at. There is a strong possibility she and I will go out after the meeting to a cafe. She's not in the Center often...

Somebody Told Me

This is Dubrovnik. I selected this picture completely randomly as I could not see the preview :) While Dubrovnik was insane with tourists, I enjoyed my time there. These are the walls of the old city (stari grad) and a small harbor.

I am reading a draft report on social inclusion and what the UN Country Team can do to effect change in this area through the UNDAF process (I honestly have no idea what the UNDAF process is, but I believe it has something to do with the Millennium Development Goals). I had this 'duh' realization. To have high unemployment (try 35%, oh yeah) means more dependency on the State for social services. High unemployment means less tax collection, not just from individuals, but businesses as well, which means less money to provide services, which are in high demand due to the high unemployment rate. You see the cycle? Even if many of these reported unemployed are in the grey economy, these peeps are still registering for the State to provided health insurance, but no taxes are being collected to help pay for said insurance. Unemployed/economically inactive people are at higher risk of being social excluded, which is why it is important to know the demographics of the employed, unemployed and economically inactive. Hmmm, time to get creative to break the cycle...

Now, I'll write something cute. My beautiful Street Dawg continues to greet me and protect me from the evil buses that pass by on the street. Her vicious warning barks at the buses are the only thing protecting me from the bus' predatory ways. I am still trying to figure out if she has an owner because it looks like the hair around her feet was trimmed. I also realized that while Street Dawg speaks Macedonian, she seems to understand my English fairly well. She glows when I thank her for protection and trots next to me almost all the way to my flat. She does not heed my warnings about crossing the street, however. Today, there was a Pekingese in the yard with her. I wonder if the Pekingese is as wonderful as my Dawg. I've decided that if I get a job here in Macedonia after the end of my internship, I'm getting a dog. The program that I wrote about surrounding women's political involvement in the upcoming municipal elections does not have a job for me. At least I know and I tried :)

Oh, in other good news, my sister is engaged! They are getting married on paper this December in Italy so if I end up in Italy for Christmas (which is the plan if I am still here in Macedonia), I can be one of the witnesses! How cool. Their wedding wedding in Colorado will be this summer and I am going to be the Maid of Honor. My friend, Andrea, is getting married in October 2009 and she asked me to be a bridesmaid so you can see that my vacation for 2009 will be spent at various weddings. I could not be happier for my sister and Andrea!

Don't Cry

I just got home from a wonderful dinner with my coworkers, their significant others and my boyfriend to read that the "bailout plan" failed to pass the House. My happy mood is gone. I try not to let things that I have no control over bother me, but I am scared. While I recognize we should hold those responsible for risky investments accountable for their poor choices and it sickens me that we can somehow find $700 billion for this bailout, yet there are uninsured Americans and millions of people in this world starving due to increased food prices, my stomach still dropped over the news of the failed 'bailout'. I have no more words. If Pelosi and Boehner can unite on something, it's worth a second look. I worked with both those characters when I was a Page and I can tell you that this is truly a historical moment - they actually agree on something. I am holding my breath to see what the next few days hold for us as a world, not just a nation. I fear the worst, yet hope for the best. My boyfriend does not understand why I care. He tells me that Macedonians are able to survive on 150 euros or 1000 euros a month - it doesn't matter the income, the lifestyle is adapted to the lower level - and that this crisis won't reach Macedonia...part of me hopes he never understands why I care because that means the hemorrhaging stops and the healing begins. Quickly.

Roads

This is from a couple years ago and it doesn't even look like me! I miss my cowgirl hat. It waits for me in Philly or Denver. Who knows when I will be reunited with this hat.

TGIF! Do you like my new layout? Let me know your thoughts. I needed to spice things up so I thought I would fool around with the template. Additionally, I added links to websites in my post that are relevant to what I blog about so enjoy!

We had quite a week in the office and I have not left before 6:30 for the past couple evenings. Today I start my research on Roma and Albanian women and social exclusion. I am so excited to be researching again :) I like to go from international to national to local in my research and presentation. So first, a quick review of CEDAW Concluding Comments which are available for your review here.* After that, on the the EU/Council of Europe websites on the Roma, the European Roma Rights Center, then to the, you guessed it, National Action Plan on the Decade of the Roma, to a study commissioned by UNDP to figure out what Roma NGOs are working on here in Macedonia (still waiting for the email). There are considerably more documents that I have not listed plus interviews that I need to do and then draft a concept note. After drafting the concept note, I'll meet with some Romany and Albanian women then develop a project proposal. The key here is I am focusing on the most vulnerable women and simply being a woman of a certain ethnic community does not make you automatically vulnerable. We want to find and hold up the most isolated, ignored women regardless of ethnicity, age or municipality. What is exciting about all of this is it is going to be grassroots level. We are going to see if there is a way we can make a difference on the ground, not just in legislation. If things go well here in Macedonia, we might be able to start to bring similar programing to other countries in the region. But let's not put the cart before the horse. First, research.

In addition to my new research project, we are also contemplating holding a series of workshops surrounding parental leave and EU Accession in Macedonia. There is a general framework that all EU countries follow when it comes to parental leave laws, but their parental leave laws/policies are not all the same. Macedonia is going to have to review their parental leave laws. It sounds mundane, but look at how parental leave can positively or negatively impact the balance of work and family life. For example, women in Macedonia are entitled to up to 9 months paid leave surrounding the birth of a child. I am not sure how much time the father is entitled to, but he can transfer his paternal leave to the mother. And does transfer his leave. So, what ends up happening is you have women leaving their job for 9, 10, 11 months while men don't take anytime, thus reinforcing traditional gender roles, making hiring young women a disincentive, etc. One option for Macedonia is to do what the Nordic countries have done and that is give father's 3 months paternal leave (or so) and make that leave non-transferable so they take it or lose it. What this does is allow fathers to develop relationships with their children and balance the effect of women being out of the workforce during the time surrounding childbirth. Firehouses in Sweden now experience what schools have always experienced: staff being out for long periods of time surrounding the birth of a child. What a concept!! There are other practices surrounding this issue throughout EU countries and so what we want to do is start that discussion for Macedonia. What option would work well for Macedonia? This is what we seek to distill, assuming we have our workshops!

I leave you with this thought: Why is it that my brother, in the States, gets 2 weeks paternity leave for the birth of his child and his wife gets 2 months? Is he not equally entitled to spending time with his child? I know my sister-in-law needs to physically recover from giving birth, but are we not just encouraging traditional gender roles and unpaid care-work being the responsibility of the women of our families by having parental leave set up this way? My brother is an excellent father. He wants to spend time with his child. Why is he not entitled to that just because he has a Y-chromosome?

*Do not try to find CEDAW concluding comments on the US because the do not exist. The US has failed to ratify CEDAW. I believe I do not have to comment on this since it speaks for itself: shame.